During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
