Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize