ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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