you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
