Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
