So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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