her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
