I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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