Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I need a beard to bite.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
