The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
