I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
