she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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