He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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