If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
