maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
