I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
