I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize