dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
