I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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