I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
