I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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