I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
