You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
