we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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