my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
