I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
