I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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