my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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