So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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