just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
