He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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