We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
