Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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