Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
