Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
