if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
