I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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