do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
