I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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