How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The air was thick with penises
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
