remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
