is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
