Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
