I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
