broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I want her autograph on my taint
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The uberlube is also flammable
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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