New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
