you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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