she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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