remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
