what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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