I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
