dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
