Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
