I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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