I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
