She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
