But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
