is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
