i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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