How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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