I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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