My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
