obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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