i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Still dying that you shit outside
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Randomize
