I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
