Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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