i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
