I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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