You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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