Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You're like the curious george of whores
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
