I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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