I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
