you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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