yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
