Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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