I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
pray to the hookup gods
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize