This is not my ceiling
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
