I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
well, you know. whores of a feather.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
