And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
