mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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