Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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