She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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