I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
