In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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