U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
