dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
