Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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