Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
