Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
