it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I don't deserve a penis
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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