I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
