My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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