You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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