wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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