So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
