Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
