normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
