Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
