Already got asked if we're dating
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
