Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
