Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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