I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
