Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
