I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
