I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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