Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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