While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
