So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
