clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
