So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
