Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
