I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
