That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize