I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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