Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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