Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Randomize
