the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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