I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
