so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize