I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
