Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
