I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
