just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you inspire me to be a worse person
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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