youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
